So far, 2017 has seen Grilled Cheese Violence in the news more than I’ve seen in…the 39 years I’ve been on the earth. And the only real surprise is that only one of the two stories happened in Wisconsin.

A man in Brookfield, Wisconsin (1 hour, 45 minutes from the Dells) was arrested on January 9th for pulling a gun on, attempting to sexually assault and holding a woman against her will–after the woman refused to eat a grilled sandwich he made her.

The victim apparently went to Justin Hasting’s home after receiving a Snapchat message, and upon arrival asked for a grilled cheese sandwich, as he was cooking. She claims he then pulled a small black pistol and pressed it against her forehead, and attempted to sexually assault her.

His version–she refused to eat the grilled cheese he made her, so he admits he pulled the gun–but he said it was a pellet gun, which he had emptied in front of her earlier.

Hastings faces one count of attempted first degree sexual assault/use of a dangerous weapon and one count of false imprisonment.

Meanwhile, in other grilled cheese violence news–a man in Baltimore, Maryland, is facing attempted murder charges after firing multiple rounds through the basement floor of his house (as in, he was in the basement) while his wife was making dinner. The reason? She had taken a bite out of his grilled cheese sandwich.

When she checked on him, he had surrounded himself with guns & ammunition–which, of course he was barred from owning, due to prior assault convictions. This led to a 3-hour standoff with police.

Apparently, people are making more extravagant grilled cheese than I make.