Came across this one a couple weeks ago…

When 58-year-old Phillip P. Jordan was arrested for his 9th DUI while attempting to drive out of a KFC parking lot on a summer morning, he offered a simple excuse for why he was drunk so early in the morning:

“Beer is my coffee.“

Amazingly enough, this did not happen in Wisconsin–it happened in Marion County, Florida. Something tells me had it been in Wisconsin, it may have actually been a defense.